More cowbell, baby!

What could be cooler than a movie with Christopher Walken about ping pong done Blood Sport style?

Balls of Fury.

How about a video of Walken instructing how to roast a chicken.

Update: Welcome Ace of Spades HQ morons. And, Wickedpinto reminds me of the very funny Balls of Steel video. As long as you are here, check it out — it’s prime AoSHQ stuff.

Booty booty booty booty

Just in case you’ve ever wondered if the Chuck E. Cheese and Showbiz Pizza Place you’ve taken your kids to in the suburbs is anything like the version in the hood.

Now that’s paying attention to your market demographics.

By popular demand

Since half the search terms that have brought people to this site lately have been people searching for “funny cats”, far be it from me to disappoint.

Huge frikking cat

For all you Bush haters.

Visit I can haz cheezburger? for more funny cat pics.

More monorail cats.

And, for the goofball who keeps searching for naked hippies, time to pull this picture out of the archives.

Origin of the species

Finally. The missing link. The moment in history where the evolution of ancient man split off in two distinct directions.

From The Brutality of Reason:

Division of the human family into two distinct groups began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer and would go to the beach and live on fish in winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented by Man to get to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals and Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain, and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor the aluminum can was invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That’s how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what became known as the “Conservative Movement”. Other men, who were weaker and less skilled at hunting, learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ’s and doing the sewing, fetching and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the “Liberal Movement”. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women.

Go read the rest to learn the about Liberals contributions to society since The Great Split.

h/t Lipstick at Innocent Bystanders

Iraq Progress

I’m half assing it right now, haven’t been sleeping well so I been holding off so I don’t bombard you guys with crazy.

So I found this brief analysis at Powerline and something unrelated jumped into my head.

I’m from the US so I don’t keep up with Iraqi news, that and I don’t speak or read arabic, hell I’m barely functional in English, but based on US coverage there is something that I notice is missing from the coverage of Iraq, and that something is Iraqi military heroes/icons.  Instead we are bombarded with only the names of Iraqi politico’s who are constantly bashed by the press.

If we were inundated with stories of mahmoud farouq a resident of diyala wining the crimson crescent or whatever the hell kinda awards Iraqi’s hand out, we and they might be more optimistic.  If we knew that there are brave and heroic acts performed by Iraqi’s and those Iraqi’s were given names, and the story repeated, it would be impossible to say that Iraq is doomed, because we, and the Iraqi’s themselves could have a symbol to which they could live up to.

Then again, we never see the names of our heroic actors on the pages of our newspapers, even though there has been at least (I’m pretty sure, gotta check mudville) Medal of Honor winner in this war, but that would destroy the narrative.