Absolute Moral Authority

Because plain old moral authority just wasn’t good enough — a mesablue production

Dipshits and diabolical fauna

Posted by mesablue on June 14, 2007

Squirrel goes on rampage, injures 3

BERLIN (Reuters) – An aggressive squirrel attacked and injured three people in a German town before a 72-year-old pensioner dispatched the rampaging animal with his crutch.

The squirrel first ran into a house in the southern town of Passau, leapt from behind on a 70-year-old woman, and sank its teeth into her hand, a local police spokesman said Thursday.

With the squirrel still hanging from her hand, the woman ran onto the street in panic, where she managed to shake it off.

The animal then entered a building site and jumped on a construction worker, injuring him on the hand and arm, before he managed to fight it off with a measuring pole.

“After that, the squirrel went into the 72-year-old man’s garden and massively attacked him on the arms, hand and thigh,” the spokesman said. “Then he killed it with his crutch.”

Man fails school exams on 38th try

JAIPUR, India (Reuters) – A 73-year-old Indian farmer who vowed not to marry before passing his high school exams has failed to get through for the 38th time.

Shiv Charan Yadav has been taking the exams — normally given to schoolchildren at the age of 15 — every year since 1969, without success.

This year, he failed everything except Sanskrit, scoring only 103 out of a possible 600 points.

“Once I pass I want to get married to a girl who’s under 30,” Yadav, who lives alone in Kohari village in the western desert state of Rajasthan, told Reuters.

Yeah, good luck with that buddy — another genius:

Man Asks for Prison for Stealing Panties

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. – A district judge on Tuesday granted a defendant’s unusual request to be sent to prison for breaking into women’s homes and stealing their undergarments, his attorney said.

Officials had recommended probation for Steven Quatkemeyer, 40, as part of a plea agreement in which he pleaded guilty to felony stalking and two counts of felony burglary. Prosecutors dropped several misdemeanors and six other felony counts in exchange for the plea.

“I apologize to the families affected from the bottom of my heart,” Quatkemeyer told the court. “After a couple of weeks of incarceration, I realized what I had done was very wrong.”

He also asked for a prison term and got four years.

Back to the animal theme:

Australian Attacked With Swordfish Snout

BRISBANE, Australia – Two assailants broke into a man’s trailer and attacked him with a swordfish snout in eastern Australia early Wednesday, leaving the victim with cuts to his arms, back and hands, police said.

The victim, who was not identified, claimed the two suspects assaulted him with the serrated, sword-like bill during a home invasion in the eastern city of Bundaberg, Queensland state police said.

Paramedics treated the man for his injuries.

It was not clear where the alleged attackers found the swordfish snout, or how big it was. Police said they were not investigating the incident because the man had withdrawn his complaint.

Characterized by their long, sharp snouts, swordfish are predatory fish that can grow up to 13 feet long.

Woman Injured by Leaping Sturgeon

ROCK BLUFF, Fla. – A woman was injured over the weekend by a leaping sturgeon, the latest incident involving the flying fish on the Suwannee River, officials said.

Tara Spears, 32, of Bell, was knocked unconscious by the animal on Sunday while boating on the river north of Rock Bluff, the Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission reported.

She was taken to a hospital with non-life-threatening injuries and was expected to recover, the agency reported.

The large, prehistoric-looking sturgeon have hard plates along their backs. They can grow up to 8 feet long and up to 200 pounds.

Spooked Deer Takes ‘Revenge’ on Runner

BRAINERD, Minn. – Kandi Hanson has a history of run-ins with deer. She totaled her first car and damaged two others in collisions with deer. This weekend, the deer struck back.

As Hanson approached the halfway mark of the 10-kilometer Sour Grapes Half and Half run Saturday, a spooked deer darted out of the woods and crashed into Hanson, tossing the 28-year-old into the air and sending her sprawling onto the grass before disappearing into the woods.

Lazy blogging done for the day…


24 Responses to “Dipshits and diabolical fauna”

  1. Joe said

    I kill animals like those to make it safe for the women and children to go outside.

  2. Those effers are totaly after us, remember the “freak accident” that killed steve irwin? and then 2 weeks later a florida fisherman was killed by a stingray who jumped into his effing boat and killed him?

    the are coordinating, they are conspiring, and they are coming for your liver, but they don’t know, that I’m doing my best to make my liver completely inedible.

    HAHAHAHAHA suck that wild animal overlords!!

  3. Joe said

    Squirrels are no match for 110 conibears.

  4. I don’t know what that is joe, but it scares me.

  5. nicedeb said

    I’ve heard that conibears can be ferocious when protecting their young.

  6. Are Conibears, Capibara’s?

  7. Joe said

    Conibears are steel hinged square traps used for trapping mink.
    Model NO. 110 is the smallest size they make. They kill instantly.
    They are very nasty, and extremely effective.

    Type in conibear and click search….gee wiz.

  8. I think my most common phrase on this blog is “I might research that, probably not.” and I mean it joe.

  9. Cathy said

    You sound like one hell of a “Real Man!”

  10. mesablue said

    Nah, he’s an artsy type.

    He just plays tough on the Internet.

  11. Joe’s an ART FAG!!!!


    I won’t rub it in if you don’t reference my completely rational fear of racoons and other varmints.

  12. Joe said

    Sorry WP and Mesa, I am not homosexual.
    It was not my intention to get you boys excited.

  13. mesablue said

    Yeah, but you sure dress purty sometimes.

  14. Joe said

    Thanks Mesa, I think?

    I only wear one color at a time, and not all the colors of the rainbow.

    Like I told you before Mesa, “When you get paid a lot of money you have to look like you are worth it”.

  15. Okay Joe, I was joking, but let me ask this.

    How much do you pay for a haircut?

  16. Joe said

    Real man = real barber
    $15 including tip.

  17. Thats a little on the upside, but if you makes the money, you probably leave a bigger tip.

    Good on ya.

  18. mesablue said

    real barber = Joe’s mom.

    No tip.

  19. Cathy said

    Sounds like you guys are jealous of Joe.
    Like he’s your Secret Hero!

  20. Lisa said

    Who isn’t jealous of Joe?
    Heck, I’d do him.

  21. Joe said

    Thank you Ladies.

  22. mesablue said

    Heck, I’d do him.

    A year later and you guys are still in the “would” stage?

    No wonder Joe always looks frustrated.

  23. Lisa said

    I think you must have seen your own reflection in Joe’s sunglasses or… you may not be familiar with the look of pure pleasure and delectation.
    And yes, I am well aware that you would do him in a minute.

  24. delectation

    It two years later, but I just realized I love that word, I don’t know what it means, but I intend to use it constantly.

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