Absolute Moral Authority

Because plain old moral authority just wasn’t good enough — a mesablue production

Liars or Liars?

Posted by Wickedpinto on July 21, 2007

Hummers don’t have four lugnuts, and there aren’t gas stations, thats not how they are built. 

Mesa knows more, he was with grunts, I was just attached for training.

I FAILED my humvee course (true) because I ran into the base SgtMajor’s van, while I was taking my humbee class.  Thats true, i only broke his tail light (no shit, and that is no shit) and it was my ground guides fault, not mine, Once again, no shit.

 Anyways, before I got into the humvee, I knew it had a lousy turning radius compared to a street car, and that it could pretty much drive over anything, so I had no problem intimidating the lead car with my humvee when I was driving it behind a civvy car, I was a bit of a jerky back then.

I also know that humvee’s had runflat tires, this had NOTHING to do with being a humvee driver, but rather that I was routinely volunteered for shit jobs (remember I was courtmartialed based on information that didn’t include me, I should have been battallion NJP’d but not summary courtmartialed, I don’t bitch about the punishment, just the EAGERNESS) anyways. . . . . .

Every change a humvee tire?

I think there are 12 bolts holding it in place as the first argument, and then, if you have a complete tire in the back, you can’t carry more than 4 people in the back of a humvee, YES the tires are damn near that big.

If you ACTUALLY change a humvee tire, you have to protect either the tire, or the run flat “donut” we didn’t call it a donut, I forget what we called it at the time.

But Before I was even allowed to drive one, and get into a car accident with The Base SgtMaj’s van, I had to do basic matainence.  I was a maintenance guy, so I got maintence, I was kinda surprised by the requirement of having two fat guys jump on the “doughnut” until it fit the rim, and then at least one fat guy, or two normal guys, jumping on the tire.

You don’t jump on the tire to make it fit, you jump on the tire, so that the bolts of the “lugs” in normal cars can even TOUCH the threads of the hummer.

Humvee’s are VERY stout and powerful vehicles.

I’m just saying, and my experience consisted of a couple of field tests (where I did nothing) and “training” (basicaly liscence classes) where I had to do that crap.

No, you ain’t gonna change a tire in the middle of a streem, hehe, hows that for an analogy, for anyone who gets it.


2 Responses to “Liars or Liars?”

  1. this isn’t “no shit” story, this is very much 100% true.

    During a cax, there was a particular mod given to the humvee’s, I don’t know what it was, I was an electronics guy, but the mech’s were in the same building.

    Anways, during a particular CAX, a humvee driver decided to span the various flood lines that we had in Two-Nine. (pretty much any rain is a flood, cuz it’s on a desert mountain sid) so there are a lot of flood ditches or whatever they are called.

    Who-ever was driving the humvee figured they could straight line to camp wilson, and the hit one of the ditches that are ALL OVER THE PLACE in two-nine.

    The driver was driving fast enough that he got trapped front and end on the ditch, with the wheels lacking contact.

    With noone present, one of the CAX teams decided to simulate a helo extraction, using this Humvee (my guess is that the decision was made because it was a CSSG-1 Hummvee, and not a unit one)

    How about That shit? somewhere along the trip, the humvee dropped.

    I would walk out every morning for more than a month and look at a humvee that was Damn near FLAT, because our Motor T platoon didn’t want anything to do with it.

    An odd scene every morning as I showed up for work.

    Though I still think the Camp Kinser Broken Boat is still the best.

  2. A guy, sorta friend, but not really, Sgt Wilson who was Motor T, and a smoker (like I was) would walk out, and see me and ask me regularly “How the fuck we gonna fix that?”

    “Improvise BITCH!”

    then he would punch me.

    Not friends, but almost. He was a nice guy, he was also on the unmodified rifle team for the . . . I don’t know if it was the “group” or the “Base,” he’s the one who taught me about levels of trigger squeeze.

    I SWEAR! It might have just been 6064411 that corresponded, but since the guy who told me about it, never fired 6064411 might have known what he was talking about. you can actually feel the cam, and the “seer” is that the term? click before firing.

    I never shot better.

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