Harry Potter (pretty much all spoilers)
Posted by Wickedpinto on July 25, 2007
The book at it’s literary value, is not something I’m gonna break down, at least not much. The chick who did the advance review for the NYT was a pedantic retard, and if you think she did a good job, then stop reading, and just accept whatever other people tell you.
It was the best in the series, and it was a more than entertaining book, but to insinuate that it was a work for the ages, other than the fact that it is a the last of the greatest marketing success in the history of publishing, is not only naive but worthy of that chick having her degree revoked.
The tempo of the book is acceptable, FAST, slow, Fast SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW, Fast, moderate, Fast, SLOW, and finaly it’s just right, and thats not uncommon in most books where entire environments and mythologys must be expressed, so thats not really a complaint, thats just a basic layout of what it will be like to read this book.
EVERYTHING FOLLOWING IS PACKED WITH SPOILERS, SO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE PURISTS!!!
The prologue starts the same as the 4th and 5th book did, with some sort of non-sensicle exposition that you know doesn’t really mean anything, as voldy kills an inconsequential character you never heard of.
Then we are at the dursley’s place, same stupid selfish Harry Potter moments, where the wizards like him and hate them just like harry, but there is a rather touching moment between Harry and Dudley.
“I don’t think you’re a waste of space! You saved my life!” Dudley say’s as Harry oh woe is me’d himself, in front of the other wizards.
It really didn’t hit me as a significant thing, since I basicly saw it as dudley only missing harry like michael vick misses his least prized dog, Dudley can no longer arbitrarily abuse Harry with the support of his parents, since Harry is now on his own. I must admit, though that the handshake was a human moment for the dursley’s. I was hoping that this might become something more significant in the book, but it didn’t, a lost opportunity to express human kindness and remorse and redemption by Jo, in my opinion.
Then they all (mostly) escape.
I’m gonna batch the deaths right now:
The muggle studies teacher (non of you will remember her name even after re-reading the book)
Hedwig (who Friggen Cares? she could have made use of Hedwig but she didn’t)
Madeye (not at all surprising, it’s always the strongest who falls first, he is the “sirus” (platoon) of the HP books)
Ted Tonks (“Tonks”‘s Father)
Grindelwald (major character who is only treated in the third person except for about a paragraph)
I guess TECHNICALY Regulus Arcturus Black (Sirius’ younger brother)
Tonks (nymphadora Tonks, the daughter of Ted Tonks)
and NOT! Hagrid, hagrid lives. (my guess is that he lived only cuz everyone was so sure he was gonna die, and that Hagrid is the “one that got the reprieve” and was replaced by Fred. The whole “black, white, red” thing that people have mentioned before, Rubais (ruby, red) was replaced by fred weasley (red hair, lame, but really, what do you expect? you think she’s heinlein?)
A number more, but I’m not gonna re-read cuz Well, I’m not in the mood, and I just gave my copy to my neighbors boys, don’t let that out, YES, I’m a nice guy, there is one more that I can recall, but I will save that one, cuz I think it is very heartwrenching.
They get ambushed as soon as they leave privet drive for the last time, thanks to info the death eaters got from snape. MadEye dies
Everyone else gets away george (or was it fred? really the gag becomes subliminal and I can’t remember which) loses an ear thanks to a Sectum Sempra curse cast by snape. Voldemort flies without a broom and most everyone is amazed. Big deal.
Charlie and fleur get married, Dumbledore has a past, auntie muriel is a bitch, harry begins to quesiton Albus’ veracity, the ministry falls because “thicknesse” is imperioused (first MAJOR issue I have with magic in the JK world, If casting the imperious is like making a person your puppet, you still have to hold the strings. This is supported later in the book but hey, conflicts don’t matter it’s magic, it works however JK wants it to work whenever she wants it to work) and the wedding is attacked, everyone runs away.
The trio end up at #12 grimauld and they manage to make it pass the most lame ass protection system ever. Harry finds a picture of him on an enchanted broom zooming around the room when he was just 1 year old, sirius bought him the broom for christmas, and he finds a letter from lily (Harry’s mom) to Sirius making Harry even more curious about whether the rumors about Dumby are true.
They find out that RAB is Regulus Arcturus Black (Sirius’ brother) and convince kreatcher to tell them about it, when they can’t find the locket. Turns out mundungus stole it, and it was stolen from mundungus by Dolores Umbrige (who you will soon love to hate even more than you already did, she was the friggen Heydrich of Voldemorts tenure as puppetmaster of the ministry) and then they convert kreacher so that he is a willing servant rather than just one that must be given an order at every turn.
The Elf Liberation Front now has it’s poster boy, in Kreacher, which becomes obvious later. (Dobby is Free, But Kreacher is still an Elf Pure and True)
They break into the ministry, everything goes wrong, but they rescue muggleborns and halfbloods from reinhard heydrich, and flee back to grimauld place, only they have a tale, and then they flee again.
Now Second major issue with Jo’s concept of magic as science and stuff, (if magic ain’t scientific, then there shouldn’t be a friggen school for it) Dumby was the secrete keeper for the HQ of the order of the phoenix, dumby is dead. Earlier, it was said that everyone who had been entrusted with the location were now secret keepers in turn, meaning the trio are all secret keepers, as is SNAPE! Now, They are worried, because of the un-intentional side-along apparation of the scumbag deatheater from the ministry to the door of Grimauld, that they gave him the location and he can enter and leave as he pleased.
Drawback, Snape could have given up the secret at anytime without ever entering grimauld (even though he did enter grimauld, but thats in one of the final chapters that we learn this) because he was a secret keeper himself. (FIRST problem with the fidelius, (in this book) Charm, thats the most retarded Effing charm PERIOD)
So now they have the locket that they took off of umbridge before rescuing the muggleborns and halfbloods from heydrich and they flee to the place where the quidditch world cup was played in book 4, and they don’t know how to destroy the locket.
They wander around talking, and making plans, bitching moaning and complainging, going over the trinkets dumby left the three of them (I left that out. Ron got the put-outer, the lighter that doesn’t just light, but it also unlights lights, Hermione got a book of children stories, and Harry got the sword of gryffindor, though the sword was lost before it was delivered to Harry (another issue, I will bring up soon)) Ron gets pissed and runs away, because apparently the horcrux (the locket) is affecting them negatively, making them more like voldy, (weak concept, but acceptable) so ron gets jealous of harry and hermione and ron runs away.
Harry and Hermione visit Godric’s Hollow, where Harry’s parents were killed, and they see a symbol, they get attacked, they don’t learn anything, and the only thing that really happens (until we are told later) is that harry’s wand is broken, so harry is without a wand.
A few weeks later ron comes back, but first, Harry has to get lost following a petronus that looks like a doe (not significant, but it adds up in the end) to a lake, and he see’s the sword of gryffindor in the water. Harry moves to get the sword, the horcrux tries to kill harry since he’s wearing it around his own neck, and harry starts to drown.
Just in time, ron shows up, removes the locket, saves harry and draws the sword from the lake (sound familiar? Yeah, it’s completely cribbed and hacked)
Using the Sword they are finaly able to destroy the locket, after a WAY to long look into Ron’s pettiness, then they move on.
And WHAT-the-be-Diddley-diddley-do you think happens? The first people they come across are wizards and goblins. Not a muggle in site, my favorite part? The trio are starving, but they go to a river, and there are wizards “fishing.” Guess how wizards fish?
“Accio” Friggen “Salmon.” Why are the trio so friggen hungry? “Accio filet mignon,” “Accio sushi” “Accio low fat yogurt.” How hard can it friggen be?
Hermione notices a symbol and remembers that xenophilius lovegood (luna’s dad) was wearing the same symbol, and so does harry (not worth mentioning the first time) So the trio decides to visit Luna and her dad.
The Trio finds out about the deathly hallows, the Elder Wand, the Death Stone, and the Cloak of invisibility, they all come to the conclusion that if there ARE deathly hallows then Harry’s cloak is THE cloak.
There is a brief sentimental moment when harry looks up a staircase and see’s the ceiling of Luna’s bedroom. Luna made a muggle style painting of Luna, Harry, Hermione, Ron and Neville (Don’t remember if Ginny was in it, I think she was, and that she should be, but I can’t recall) all of whom have ribbons of gold, or chains of gold. On closer inspection Harry notices that the chains are made up of a single word interlinked over and over and over wrapping them all together (kinda like the arabic art of twisting and moving the letering to creat pretty figures) and that one word was “friends.”
I thought that was a rather powerful moment, I didn’t tear up but, I did get a little flushed. (my 3 favorite characters are Neville (number one) Luna (number 2) and Dobby)
The trio finds out that luna is being held hostage, and that Xeno sold them out to the DE, and the house gets blown to shit, and the trio get away.
The trio get caught, identified and are taken to the malfoy residence (voldy’s HQ) and voldy is out of town killing “grindelwald” in search of the Elder Wand, so he can’t come back right away. So Harry and Ron are being held captive with Olivander, griphook and luna.
Theres an issue about the sword of gryffindor that was found with them, so bellatrix is torturing hermione, then she decides to torture griphook, since the sword of gryffindor is goblin made, and a goblin can recognize that which is goblin made.
Harry begs for help, thinks he see’s dumby watching over him, and BAMF!! Dobby show’s up and takes luna and olivander out of the prison (when the ministry inspected the house during book 4 didn’t think there was anything odd about having cells in the basement? Did they get contractors to put them in right after their ministry inspection?)
When dobby bamf’s out, bellatrix thinks she hears something, she’s about to send draco down, but instead sends wormtail.
Wormtail enters, Harry and Ron tackle him to the ground, and the metal hand is about to choke harry, and harry says something like “I save your life and this is how you repay me?” a moments remorse causes the hand to losen, but it’s a gift from voldemort, so that act of mercy dooms him. Wormtails silver hand chokes him to death.
Harry and Ron run upstairs, armed only with wormtails wand, Bella is torturing Griphook with the ONLY NONVERBAL SPELL IN THE ENTIRE BOOK as griphook lies about the authenticity of the Sword of gryffindoor, before harry cuts it, says “stupefy” a couple times, and is finaly cowed by a pocket knife bellatrix holds against hermione’s neck (accio friggen knife, or avada ke-friggen-davra, but that don’t happen in these books everyone is friggen obi wan)
Harry and ron drop their wands. Draco picks them up (another lost opportunity there JK) and mopes away, but still too close to harry.
Dobby appears, something happens I forget what, harry grabs the 3 wands that draco is holding (draco’s, plus rons, plus the plundered wand from wormtail) Harry takes all three, he yells stupefy a few times, then all of the heroe’s the goblin, and the sword of gryffindoor disapparate to charly and fleurs house, (which is funny cuz ron isn’t secret keeper, but Hey, who cares, second major fidelius issue, ack, actually 3rd, the second was that harry and hermione found his parents house in godricks hollow, I left that out)
When they get to charlies place, harry has 3 wands in his hands, a goblin holding a sword on his back, and an elf holding bellatrixes little dagger in his chest, like IN his chest, dobby dies.
A small sentimental moment later when harry marks a stone over dobby’s grave “Dobby, a Free Elf.” another warm flush of emotion for me, I admit, Dobby is one of my favorites.
Harry realizes something (ABOUT FRIGGEN TIME!!!)
He learns about how to break into gringots, and negotiates actions with griphook who is the same goblin from the first book about breaking into the ancestral lestrange vault thinking that the cup of hufflepuff is their, then he talks to olivander about wand lore. (this is actually interesting, but once again, contradictory, I might recall that later, if not call me out in comments) Harry learns about the elder wand, and realizes that grindelwald did once posess the elder wand, and that it was Dumbledoor who had won it from grindelwald. The Elder wand is buried with dumbledoor (see HBP)
Throughout the entire book harry is getting feedback through his scar from Voldy, and now he knows that voldy is already moving towards Hogwarts in efforts to take the elder wand.
Instead of getting the elder wand, and the last of the deathly hallows (left that out, the Gaunt ring had a stone on it, that was the resurection stone, harry thought he already had it, it’s a lame underlying but “important” plotline, it’s easy to overlook) he decided to pursue the horcrux’s.
With the help of griphook they break into gringots, and everything goes wrong GTFOOH!!! but they escape with the hufflepuff cup, but they can’t destroy it because griphook stole the sword of gryffindor (I didn’t forget anything, it just all happened at the same time) So they are carrying the cup.
Harry falls into the thoughts of voldy again, and voldy is now terrified, cuz he realizes that the trio are chasing horcruxes, so he decides to check on all their status, He lets the thought pass through to harry that one of them is at hogwarts.
They go to hogsmead, all everything goes wrong GTFOOH!!!!
They are saved at the last minute by the barman at the hogshead, who turns out to be Aberforth Dumbledoor, Albus’ brother.
Theres some exposition, making harry once again question Albus’ veracity, and then Aberforth finaly agree’s to help them.
In comes Neville (my favorite character.)
Snape had been headmaster of hogwarts, and deatheaters were running the show. Neville, in the spirit of the DA had been keeping up the fight in a subtle way and been getting his ass kicked for it.
He re-constituted the DA, students have been expelled and targeted for questioning, but Neville found a way to manipulate the room of requirement to serve only the DA.
With Harry Present, Neville sends out a message on the fake galleons and a shitload of people start showing up to join in the fight, it starts with a trickle.
Ginny, fred, george, luna, dean, and such.
Then in comes the order, and then the friends of the order.
Now while Neville is telling the story of the DA in the face of the Snape regime, there are a couple parts that made me misty, like when he wrote his “gram’s” and appologized for getting into all this trouble, and his grams wrote him back “you are your parents children I’m proud of you.”
Then the DE’s tried to take his gram’s she kicked his ass, went on the run, and at the final fight she comes back. (I will come back to that in a minute.)
Harry needs to find the Hogwarts Horcrux he’s possitive it’s attached to ravenclaw, he and luna go to the ravenclaw commen room to get an idea of the ravenclaw diadem, then there is another stupefy (probably number 398 just from harry) then a chance encounter with a death eater while hiding under the cloak, and watching a confrontation between the Deatheater and Mcgonnagal (my 4th favorite) Deatheater spits in mcgonagals face, harry does the cruciatus (actually a cute little exchange here) they are unconscious, he tells mcgonnagle that he’s on a mission dumby gave him, Ms. McGonnagle doesn’t question contacts the heads of houses, confronts snape, snape flees.
IT’S EFFING WAR!!!
Harry runs back to the room of requirement/headquarters of the DA, to talk to ginny (small oversight) and finds Neville’s grams in there as well as Aberforth (I think aberforth was there) as soon as they enter “you’re harry potter” nevilles gram’s says.
“yes” harry responds,
“Have you seen my grandson?”
“He’s fighting ma’am”
haughty look “of course he is!” and she stalks out.
(thats the the other misty moment I was refering too, if you recall from HBP Prof. McGonnegal telling Neville “It’s time (grandma’s name) was proud of the grandson she has, rather than the one she wished for!”)
Finaly Neville doesn’t just know that gram’s (the only parent he knew) is proud of him personaly, but in general, so much so that she would snuff off the opinion of THE HARRY POTTER! I thought it was sweet.
Harry remembers where the diadem is, after a bunch of exposition, he’s confronted by crabbe goyle and malfoy, just as he is about to get his hands on and destroy the diadem/horcrux.
bunch of “monologuing,” then ron and hermione show up, crabbe casts “demonfire” at least it’s a new friggen spell, JESUS 670 pages before I get a new spell. The trio start to escape on brooms, but goyle and malfoy are trapped in the demonfire, harry goes back to save them, ron joins them, and the good guys save the bad guys, and escape.
Turns out “demonfire” can destroy horcruxs. (I left out the dentological efforts of ron and hermione to collect basilisk teet to destroy the cup, not a biggy)
Goyle and Malfoy don’t have wands so the trio doesn’t care, they see percy fighting beside fred, the roof falls, and fred dies, percy becomes human, and percy can’t move until harry helps him drag his brother away from the horror, and is left safely away from any further offense on his body. (leave no man behind) (not mysty, but lots of flushing)
Not a single Effing Deatheater dies by the hands of a good guy, but lots of animals do, cuz they are following the Lucas rule of war, people shouldn’t die.
The only horcrux left is nagini, harry looks into voldy’s mind, knows he’s in the shrieking shack, ron is eager to run through the deatheaters on the way to the womping willow, and he’s so eager to hurt the death eaters that he yells “stupefy” a bunch of times, (HURT my brother significantly? I will FUCKING KILL YOU! only reason I will incapacitate you is so that I can enjoy your pain before I finaly kill. You don’t FUCK with my family, no matter what I think, thats MY choice. I will fucking KILL YOU! at the first opportunity, unless I can extend it for personal satisfaction) but ron yells “stupefy” a bunch of times.
They get to the womping willow, they get to the entrance to the shrieking shack, Voldy doesn’t have any protections up, duh.
Then there is a wand thing, Snape is there.
Okay, the thing about the elder wand, and wand lore in general. Wands DO chose the wizard. A wand that had never been wielded can chose whoever it pleases, but they have something of a personality of their own, and their only personality (apparently) is power. If you TAKE a wand from a powerful wizard, that wand will favor the wizard who took, rather than the wizard it was taken from. The “elder wand” is kinda like this, but to an extreme. Apparently (though another scientific magic conflict here) the elder wand will only turn to someone who can defeat (maybe not magicaly, but defeat) the holder of the elder wand.
So since voldy didn’t kill dumby, he thinks that the elder wand isn’t serving voldy’s purposes, because snape is still alive, and voldy hasn’t killed snape, so voldy kills snape, and walks away to challenge harry, not realizing that harry is only feet away.
Snape is still alive, bleeding and dying, blood, and poisons spreading across his wonds, and out of his mouth and ears, only there is also a silver fillagree (see that Jo, you can use new words every once in a while) coming from his forehead attached to his finger.
“TAKE IT! TAKE IT!”
It’s his memorie’s to be viewed in a pensieve.
“look at me!” and he looks in harry’s eyes and then dies.
Voldy gives the normal 1 hour warning or they will die thing, harry races back to hogwarts enters the headmasters quarters, dumps snapes memories into the pensieve and experiences them.
Basicaly Snape is Good, Ever bad thing (other than being irritable) was dumby’s fault, and harry learns he must die.
This chapter is basicaly harry’s gethsemane, he learns that the man he trusted most “dumby” believed harry must die, and that other man who trusted dumby without question was appalled and angry (snape) at the prospect harry’s death. (see where this is going?)
Harry answers voldy’s challenge, he arrives alone, under the cloak (sorry you wanna know everything you gotta read the damn book) and like the brother who begged the cloak from death, he greated death as an old friend.
Harry decides he will die as dumby thought was necessary, as Snape sacrificed not just his mortal life, but his personal existence to accomplish, and harry thought of how everything began.
With his mother dying for him, and he decided he wouldn’t dual voldy, he would just wait for the murder, if that is what it took for Harry to protect his friends.
Theres a brief purgatory “judging your life” moment, and some exposition on dumby, and harry comes back.
Neville stands up, despite the idea that Harry is dead and Voldy is still alive.
Neville is briefly tortured, voldy puts the sorting hat on nevilles head, and starts to burn him to death as torture, the sorting hat falls off nevilles head, and he see’s something shining in the hat.
He reaches in, withdraws the sword of gryffindor, and kills nagini.
All hell breaks loose, lots of random chaos that really doesn’t have any form, though the REAL! joy is when Belatrix launches an Avada Kedavra at ginny. Harry leaps to her aid (covered in the invis cloak) but before he gets there Molly Wobbles (I think that’s cute) screams “Not my daughter you BITCH!”
Molly and bella duel and molly kills bella, (I was hoping neville would mistreat bella the same way snape did at the end of HBP, but “not my daughter you bitch” is good enough) that is the ONLY deliberate act of killing by a good guy, in the entire FRIGGEN SERIES!
Harry finaly reveals himself to voldy, they circle, and Harry “monologues”, (A monologue is not threatening to a good guy only a bad guy, especially if the badguy monologues first)
Voldy blabs about posessing the elder wand, and I even think he said “I killed you once before.” then there is talk about the nature of magic, and skill and power and such.
Truth be told I can’t explain the redemption thing that harry talks about AT LENGTH prior to getting to the wand, but lets just say, it’s the only damn thing in magic JK did that makes sense.
Anyways, and I kinda like this.
Voldy thought that posessing the elder wand was enough, but it’s not, you have to WIN it, and voldy never did. He thought that since snape had killed Dumbledor that when he killed snape, then he posessed the wand, but harry, after the talk with olivander realized that it was dumbledoors goal at the end of HBP to REMOVE the wand from the equation. Dumby understood the wand he had lived with for more than 60 years (since the duel with grindelwald) and dumby won the wand from grindelwald, dumby had never lost, because of his skill, and because of the assistance from the elder wand.
At the end of HBP snape was supposed to kill Dumby, but it was in effect, Dumby killing dumby, so the wand was a non-argument after that. Dumby had defeated himself, and at BEST the wand could only be passed on with it’s power AFTER being innert, and in use, and then it’s owner defeated.
Dumby WANTED to remove the 1 from the proof. (umm, most proof’s end in a validation of 1, oh, there is a shitload of variables that express this, but a proof is basicaly always a “this stuff” = “this stuff”, “this stuff”/”this stuff” = 1) he wanted the elder wand to be useless, however, It was malfoy, as dumby paralyzed harry who defeated dumby, so the wand passed to malfoy, and malfoy was defeated by harry at the malfoy manor during the breakout. Though neither malfoy nor harry ever held the wand, it was for a time Malfoys, and then it was harry’s.
So voldy was wielding a wand that WANTED to be with harry.
What I hate?
Harry didn’t actually kill voldy, he just died, cuz he’s retarded.
the 19 years later thing was lame.
I didn’t like malfoy being a lifelong enemy, thats what you get with women explaining male relationships.
Draco would have been, if not friend, a close acquaintences. The best way to make friends as a boy is to make enemies, and your friends abound.