Absolute Moral Authority

Because plain old moral authority just wasn’t good enough — a mesablue production

Assault with a deadly — pickle

Posted by mesablue on October 31, 2007

More proof that it’s not weird enough unless it happens here in Michigan.

Mich. man gets probation for assault with pickle

NILES, Mich. — Talk about being in a pickle: A judge gave a 35-year-old man probation in a case that police said involved an assault with pickles.

According to police reports, the pickle problems began when Bobby Lee Bolen of Buchanan was hanging out at his then-friend Jody Lee’s home in Buchanan on Aug. 20.

Bolen went to the refrigerator and helped himself to some pickles. According to the report, Lee told Bolen he couldn’t afford to feed everyone and not to eat his pickles. Bolen then began yelling and swearing and stormed out, according to the report.

Later, Bolen barged back into the house and got into an argument with Lee. Lee told police Bolen slammed him down on the couch and threw two large pickles at him and said, “Here’s your damn pickles.”

It is not known whether they were able to save the pickles.

Update: Welcome Instapundit readers!

21 Responses to “Assault with a deadly — pickle”

  1. damewiggy said

    damn, i wish there was a vid of that.

  2. mesablue said

    Here you go — http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kE3DaC4fokw

  3. damewiggy said

    that’s what my trick or treaters are gonna get tonight.

  4. James Taylor said

    Guess this would be a good time to announce that I will be appearing at the No Cukes concert in Central Park next month. Remember, it’s for the children.

  5. JorgXMcKie said

    “Don’t veg me, bro!!”

  6. Steve Skubinna said

    No cukes? Give peas a chance!

  7. Slublog said

    Instalanche! Congratulations.

  8. Tushar D said

    It seems the Blogfather does read some of us morons after all! Congrats, Mesa

  9. mesablue said


  10. zastros said

    “I don’t want a pickle.
    I just want to ride on my motorcycle.”

    Arlo Guthrie

  11. Rosetta said


    I already asked Nice Deb if I can be part of her entourage but if you pay more, I’ll be part of yours.

    I can be in charge of tazing wiserbud if he comes up and tries to bum some crazee blog money off of you.

    Nice work getting well-deserved linky, buddy.

    Feldspar rules.

  12. mesablue said

    Feldspar — it’s in everything!

    Well, it’s in a lot of stuff.

    Can I pay you in feldspar? I know where to find a bunch of it.

  13. Rosetta said

    I’ll take 10 large in feldspar per week.

    I have no idea why feldspar is funny today but the shit is cracking me up for some reason.

    Out of nowhere…fucking instalanche.

  14. anym_avey said

    Fruits and vegetables can be some pretty nasty stuff if you get enough velocity on ’em. In my third year of college, some of my floormates swiped extra fruits from the cafeteria and then decided to try them out on one of the 3-story dormitory walls that conveniently was nought but windowless expanse of bricks…with a water balloon launcher. The grand finale was an orange that left behind only partial fragments of a peel, appearing to have otherwise vaporized.

    It hadn’t. Well more than eight seconds later, after the laughter was dying down and everyone was turning to head toward the nearest entrance, the core of the orange came straight back to earth, splattering to the asphalt in the perfect middle of four very lucky people.

    Which brought the house down.

  15. That is a pretty awesome of leopard! My version came in 3d with apicture of space, buy WOW what a profile.

  16. marketinghelper said

    ok, honestly, that is hilarious. Who gets assaulted with a pickle!? hahaha, I love it

  17. Wooo Hoooo, Insty!

  18. Cheap people out there… can’t afford to allow a friend to eat a damn pickle. LOL.

  19. cyclepromo said

    I hope they were some nice kosher dills. I’d fight for the last few of those.

  20. […] the last time I posted weird news in Michigan, I got linked by Instapundit. *fingers […]

  21. Hey, I just hopped over to your site via StumbleUpon. Not somthing I would normally read, but I liked your thoughts none the less. Thanks for making something worth reading.

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