Absolute Moral Authority

Because plain old moral authority just wasn’t good enough — a mesablue production

Ways to tell you are not a Man

Posted by Wickedpinto on April 4, 2008

Apparently, this is a big deal.

Some chick, who got rid of her tits is calling herself a man, but I noticed a few things that make it clear that she is in fact a deliberately unattractive woman, rather than a man.

1) No y chromosome.

2) No Dick.   While some people with y chromosomes, chose to be seperated from their dick, they officially lose their manhood (literaly, it is refered to as “losing your manhood,” kinda like marriage, only less painful) when they cut off their cranks.

3) no testicles.  No testicles, makes the dick useless, therefore not a man.

4) Being FUCKING PREGNANT!

There are of course numerous more methods of identification, but those are the ones that I have chosen to include.

Laura Ingraham’s co-host producer guy said “MEN, do not have ‘fat pants,’” so I will include that one, but I think that this should be my random inclusion for the moment, inviting all of you to take part in the way of the “Ways to tell that you are not a man,” contest.  Just see it as my bi-annual equivalent of LauraW’s Haiku contests.

17 Responses to “Ways to tell you are not a Man”

  1. Good grief. The bearded lady in the carnival had kids and you didn’t hear her saying she was a man!

    Okay, here’s a few tells:

    Post-partum depression.
    Tampons in the bathroom closet.
    Saying, “oh, it’s nothing.” when asked why you’re sighing.
    Uncontrollable urge to nag.
    You do the neck waggle “nuh-uh” motion when perturbed.
    You watch “Dancing With The Stars”

  2. S. Weasel said

    I’d have to say menstruation is the big one. Pretty much if you’re menstruating, you’re not a man.

    If you’re not menstruating, of course, you could still just be an old broad.

  3. nicedeb said

    You don’t love bacon?

  4. PattyAnn said

    You post an answer here in this thread.

  5. cranky said

    All worthy comments but PattyAnn is the winner.

  6. Mrs. Peel said

    So, WP, how do you classify those individuals who are genetically XY but who present as females, or those who are genetically XX but present as males?

    (I am not making this up.)

  7. wiserbud said

    Ways to tell that you are not a man

    You don’t go by the nickname “Rosetta” on the intertubes.

    There is a rather large chance that you will eventually be broken by WP.

    You simply cannot tell a joke.

  8. Ways to tell that you are not a man

    You don’t go by the nickname “Rosetta” on the intertubes.

    Um, wait………..what?

    You simply cannot tell a joke.

    Bwah haha hahahahahahaha. Oh. I. loved. that.

  9. TRM said

    Sadly because of her “freakish” status, she has more rights than any of us who happen to be born with the curse of anglo manhood

    If she could get her skin darkened she may not only be the first pregnant “man” but a “super minority”

  10. Rosetta said

    Ways to tell that you are not a man

    You don’t go by the nickname “Rosetta” on the intertubes.

    Thanks buddy! I’m not quite sure why you’re saying that I’m the only man on the intertubes but I appreciate it.

  11. Barry in CO said

    Nice Deb said I had to ‘tag’ five blogs for this meme exercise. I regret to inform you that your blog was one of five I chose at random from Deb’s blogroll. If you do not want to participate let me know. Thanks!

    Details here:

    http://onehorse.wordpress.com/2008/04/10/the-six-word-memoir-meme/

  12. Saying, “oh, it’s nothing.” when asked why you’re sighing.
    Uncontrollable urge to nag.

    Thats good.

  13. mesablue said

    Whys are you leaving comments on all these old posts, you goof?

  14. resucitation.

  15. Mad Bluebird said

    You know your no real man if you prefer to ride a sissypink bicycle around town and wave the trees until some irate bird take a dump on your head AND THE BIRD SNICKERS ABOUT IT

  16. I will have you know bluebird, that I had a bright red schwinn with a bananna seat when I was a kid.

    In the 80′s it LOOKED like a girls bike, but actually, it was a vintage 1950′s schwinn, and it was simply a good strong and functional bike, with no gender assigned. It was also a classic, and it looked cool as shit, and I tricked it out later.

    It was bought for me on what my family jokingly called “international doug day.” a day when my brother and I were showered with gifts.

    Most people called it, “that day we get our tax refun.”

  17. Frigo said

    You ask for directions.

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